Divorce and Punishment--Disneyland Dads of the World Unite

I am a divorced father and a stepfather. Recently I have done some soul searching around the issue of parenthood vs. step-parenthood and how and when it is appropriate for which parent to provide discipline.

I caught my son downloading some pornography on the internet. He's 16 years old. In my book this is not a horrible crime, nor can it be ignored. It was near the end of his week visiting, so I did not make a big stink about it. I did take away his computer privileges for the remainder of his stay (about a day). I called his mom, who lives across the country, and told her what had happened. She is going to do something to punish him. I don't know what exactly.

Now, what would I have done if it had been my stepson who lives with us? I think something similar. He has gotten in trouble for computer use and we have taken away his privileges.

I had to really think through the issues on this and make sure I was being fair, consistent, and acting in the kids' best interests.

My conclusion at the end of it all is that the adults who primarily live with the kids are responsible for the bulk of the shaping of the child's character. It is difficult to establish a realtionship where it is ok to be the bad guy when you see the kids infrequently. More importantly, discipline is not effective when it is inconsistent. SO my advice is enjoy. Don't treat them like visiting royalty, but don't sweat every little transgression either. That's really the job of the custodial parent.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Anthropogenic Global Warming

Image
I will call people who believe in anthropogenic global warming (AGW), warmists, those who are less certain, denialists. I hope it insults both sides equally. My BS degree is in earth science. I work for an oil company. I believe in the scientific method. I believe that government has a legitimate role to play in society. I am not a Neanderthal. I have biases. Some may think that because I work for an oil company, I desperately want to see the warmists fail. Look, I'm too close to retirement for anything that happens now to have an effect on my personal earnings or career, so I don't think that comes into play. And by the way, I live on this planet. If humans are doing something to damage the planet, I want it to stop. I want us to take action to fix and reverse the harm. I may be retiring within fifteen years, but I hope to live a lot longer than that, and I want my kids to inherit a good place. I have read a lot about the science, politics, and economics of the CO2/glob
Read more

Fun With Boat Electronics

The lightning strike was close by. We could see that it had hit one of the boats just down the dock from ours. Phew. It wasn't a direct hit we said from the dry comfort of a nearby restaurant. But things happened. In the days after the strike, several electronic systems on the boat were not working properly. Autopilot was out and the sound system was sketchy, Wind instruments worked intermittently. VHF radio worked, but could not read the GPS signal. The helm digital displays (IS40) worked intermittently. Although pretty competent with computers and networks generally, I had never done any work with a boat network. Work was busy, so we had the boat dealer's mechanic take a look at it.  His conclusion was that there was a problem with the chart plotter. We weren't really interested in buying a new chart plotter, but if that was the problem...  On the word of the mechanic, we were able to get a partial refund under warranty from Simrad. We even upgraded to the next size chart
Read more

Staking My Claim to MicroSnaking

Image
Project management processes often show the project progression by moving between the project team to do the work and a meeting with management to allow the project to move on to the next step. One expression for this sinuous depiction is "snaking." You can see the resemblance to a snake in the graphic. This type of process management is typical in Waterfall or Phase Gate processes.  Agile processes have become more common in recent years. They describe an iterative process with rapid testing, feedback, and turnaround. It actually looks quite similar, but rather than taking a few months, it takes a few weeks. Rather than going high on the chain of command, it goes up a level or two. Sometimes there are not phase gates at all, just continuous up and down. This up and down feedback, I am calling "MicroSnaking" or "micro-snaking." I'm the first. I stake my claim. The term is free for all to use. Knock yourself out.
Read more